my poor blog has been neglected quite a bit this last little while...
when i started it, my blog was a space where i could spew a lot of the spiritual stuff in my life i was processing.
then... life kind of ate up my time and i suddenly didn't have the time i once had to put all of my spiritual processing into perspective...
and then... the spiritual processing slowed down because i wasn't as intense digging into scriptures discovering sweet gems from God...
and then... something would happen and i'd feel like i was on the cusp of something sweet... like a spiritual revival of sorts...
but then i continued to let life eat my life.
last night i sat in bed from like 9:45 until 12:30 unable to sleep. totally exhausted but my brain would not shut off.
all i could think about was how i have always known my life was destined for greatness but i feel like i'm thriving at mediocrity. i'm forgetting who i am.
two years ago i felt so in tune with who i was at that particular season of my life and today i feel so out of tune i can barely recognize myself in the mirror. i see traces of "me" but i struggle with knowing if that is REALLY me... how authentic am i being?
i need some quality time with God. i need to soak in His presence. let His word totally renew my mind and recharge my soul. through this whole time I have never felt far from God... just ignorantly undisciplined.
i talk to God every day, all day. i feel as intimate with the creator of the universe as i have for a while now, i just feel ignorant. stagnant. i'm not learning new exciting stuff anymore. i'm just in a dry place. but i am still totally captivated by who He is.
cynics can scoff all they want, but Jesus Christ is unbelievable. read His teachings... they are unlike anything imaginable. they are SO inspired by God it's unreal... what historic leader other than Jesus expanded their empire with love and not force? whatever. i'm totally getting off track here.
so major identity crisis- whatever. i think it's called growing up.
if i'm really honest with myself, the whole thought of growing up terrifies the living daylights out of me.
what does that expression even mean? living daylights? pfff.
thats all for now. thanks for reading my ramblings.